Constant swelling and confusion that is hard to explain. Something is starting to eat me and I can't put my finger on it. What is this weight on my head? No headache. I must be sick. Sudden fever? No, it isn't. I know it will stay with me for a while. I'm scared. I try to admit that it exists. I have been told that healing understands this very well.
There is this sinking and lingering darkness all around. Everything around looks gray and black. No other color. No other color is needed. Why do I always feel like crying? There is no reason to cry! But, it feels that way. Tears should be shed. , fatigue came. Every ounce of energy is wasted. My legs will be weak and I need to sleep. I sleep like there's no tomorrow, and I don't tend to wake up because I don't want to see the world. my bed has become my savior.
What happened to my favorite things and hobbies? I lost interest in everything. Everything happening around me feels like a distant movie.
Happiness has become the main part of my life. How do you explain that to someone? Are there significant changes in my work? eating habits have changed. I began to isolate myself.
like I'm dead. That sinking feeling won't leave me. I breathed. There is a heaviness in my heart that weighs me down. Why do others make me sad? I am as delicate as a piece of glass that will break at the touch of the sun. Afternoon. Why am I not hungry? I was forced to eat so as not to ask. Now I want to throw up. I am no more My presence is bleeding. The invisible line between life and death seems to play with me. I'm still having trouble breathing. I'm looking around if anyone can help. How can I ask for help? What am I going to say? Do I tell them my heart is falling, I can't breathe and I'm dying? They thought I was sick or had a fever and advised me to rest. They would ask me and my friends. How can I tell them that social media is the last thing I want to do now? I felt this incredible pain in my shoulders and neck. I am sick?
I drank a glass of cold water. Somehow it felt good, like falling on my neck. I felt it coming from my throat. I looked around again. People are busy in their own worlds. I don't know how to ask for help. I walked to the bathroom, closed the cubicle, and tears began to fall. Why am I crying? What are these tears? What do I want from others? If happiness comes from within, where is it now? My mind became a forest of thoughts. I hate myself. Yes.
What I encountered is getting worse. Will it kill me or kill itself? it. What if my soul is stuck in a spiral for thousands of years? No one escaped. Medicines, yes, help. I have friends who are willing to sit with me and listen. How can I tell people that even though I want to touch them, I can't see myself? Yes, it's a paradox. Any society that loves and desires me at the same time. How will anyone understand this?
Now about something that can calm me down. Walk among the trees, take a big breath in the bright greenery, and relax it seems like heaven. Chatting over a cup of tea also seems like a good suggestion to me. Good food is always healing. Alcohol should be avoided. Although it will give a moment of happiness, the result will be even more exciting. As I thought about these things, I realized that my breathing had returned to normal. Now I don't pay attention to what is happening around me. I can hear what people around me say. Yes, it's gone for now. I also know it will come back and I can't imagine the speed. I'm scared. But, this is what it is. Here I am special.
I am grateful that it has made me more sensitive to other people's feelings. I don't judge people anymore. Yes, I'm taking a deep breath now. My heart is getting lighter. For now, I will continue to move on with my life. I remember thinking that we only believe what our eyes see. The stealth of my suffering is the curse I must endure. I'm taking a baby step forward now, embracing it
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